


chained by one pain

by Kravchik



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Deaf Character, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Language Barrier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:46:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21778537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kravchik/pseuds/Kravchik
Summary: The Dragon Queen hospitably allows the rescuers of her son and herself to rest and spend the night in the rooms of her personal guards after the victory over the army of mutants. And there is one question that Janai just has to ask.
Relationships: Amaya/Janai (The Dragon Prince)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 187





	chained by one pain

**Author's Note:**

> many thanks to @linguini17 on tumblr for beta-reading

Janai can’t fall asleep. She closes her eyes, but instead of relaxing she only feels waves of worry and anxiety. Thoughts fill her mind, bright, but absolutely meaningless pictures flash before her eyes. Nevertheless, they don’t become less disturbing because of this.

There has been quiet in the cave for a long time, with only the occasional slight howl of wind running through the corridors or slipping into the gap under a heavy stone door. Janai takes another twenty seven seconds to try to fall asleep, but after this she eventually gives up. Pulling back the blanket, she lowers her legs to the cold floor. As if she needed an extra stimulus to stay awake. She quickly puts on her shoes and throws the blanket over her shoulders before finally leaving her room.

It’s cold in the corridor because of the passing wind, and Janai is immediately glad she decided to bring along an additional warming layer. She tries to step as quietly as possible, hardly touching the floor with the heels of her shoes, and listens to silence to make sure that no one’s dream has been disturbed by her movement. There’s still silence behind the doors, except behind the one where Soren seems to have settled, where there’s a muffled, agitated muttering. Janai wrinkles at the thought about what this boy had to survive today. Even if in the end it turned out to be just an illusion, he still has to live the rest of his life with the memories of how he pierced the heart of his own father. Talking about the incident, the boy acted as bravely as he could, putting a smile on his face and trying to sound cheerful, but he still couldn’t deceive her. And now, passing by his room, Janai can’t help but wonder if nightmares torment him, and if he is living the tragic event again and again in the world of dreams. She barely keeps herself from checking on his well-being, greater worries pushing her onward.

She walks a few more steps before stopping at another door. It seems to be the one. At least, Janai hopes it is--she wouldn’t want to be wrong.

She awkwardly rocks on her heels and roughly sighs before finally gathering strength and raising a hand clenched into a fist.

“May I come in?" she asks quietly, leaning toward the door and rapping it with her knuckles a couple of times.

There is no answer, and Janai is about to leave, but for decency she knocks again. This is when she realizes.

Rolling her eyes in annoyance at herself, she gently pushes the door, opening it just enough to stick her head into the gap. The candle on the oak table is still not extinguished, the tongue of its flame dancing angrily from the wind coming through the ajar door. Either sensing a change in the lighting, or noticing the movement of the door out of the corner of her eye, Amaya, who was sitting on the edge of the bed and bowing her head, straightens and turns around, looking up at the uninvited guest.

“May I?” Janai repeats barely audible.

The volume of the question doesn’t matter, but she does her best to make her lip movements as clear as possible, and her eyebrows raised questioningly. Amaya seems to think for a second, and this second for some reason feels like forever to Janai. But Amaya finally briefly nods, and then suddenly, as if thinking more, twice claps her left palm on the bed next to her.

Janai squeezes through the door and hurriedly closes it, preventing the corridor air from further cooling the room and returning the candle fire to a more relaxed state. Despite the invitation, she is in no hurry, but stands at the entrance looking around the room for some time. It’s the same as hers: an oak table and bed, a chair in the corner of the room, a burning candle and a small drawer next to the bed. Unconsciously, her gaze clings to Amaya. She is wearing a light shirt, but she hasn’t taken off her shoes, so it’s hard to say if she was going to go to bed or go for a walk.

“Can’t sleep?” The answer is only a halfhearted shrug. “Busy day?”

Amaya doesn’t answer, just looks at her intently and then raises her eyebrow inquiringly. Her meaning is clear: _this is not what you came here for_. Janai sighs, shaking her head at the unspoken question. Indeed, it’s not.

Amaya’s hand is still resting on the bed next to her, but she removes it the moment she notices the look directed at it. Janai hesitates for a second, then eventually she pulls the chair a little closer to the bed and sits down. If Amaya has any thoughts on this, she doesn’t express them in any way, just continues to look at Janai in anticipation.

“Who was that?”

Amaya frowns and makes a hand gesture which Janai easily interprets as a confused “What?”. She repeats her question more slowly, to which Amaya nods and again asks “What?”. Janai takes a couple of seconds to realize what exactly is causing Amaya questions.

“You lost someone too, right?” A lingering pause, and then a tense nod. “Whom?”

Amaya purses her lips and lowers her gaze for a second, and then makes a few hand movements. The first Janai unmistakably recognizes as “my”, but further ones don’t make any sense to her. They seem to look familiar, but she has absolutely no idea about what they mean. It could be anything.

Suddenly, Janai realizes she’s made a terrible mistake. They left Lux Aurea in a hurry, and Kazi isn’t a warrior; Kazi could do more harm than good in this campaign, so they had to be left in the city. Just before leaving, Janai was able to learn a very small amount of the signs, and only ones that might be needed in their campaign. Janai doesn’t even regret that there is no interpreter nearby who would help her understand Amaya (because, if anything, Gren is with them now), she regrets that she didn’t have the patience to begin to understand her best before starting this conversation

Her emotions must be displayed on her face, because after a quick think Amaya starts to gesture instead of formally sign. She first points to Janai, then somewhere casually to the side, without even looking, and finally brings both palms to her temples, spreading her fingers up.

“Me and ...” Janai tries to guess.

Amaya nods satisfied and rests her palms against her temples again, moving her fingers a little, as if asking to give more attention to this gesture.

“A crown?” Janai hesitantly specifies and receives another nod. “Me and a crown? My crown? No? Someone’s crown? Ezran? Viren?”

Amaya shakes her head at first, and then begins to wave her arms, until Janai understands that she’s asked not to think further in that direction, and until she returns to the beginning.

“So, me and someone’s crown. It’s important, whose crown? The crown is more important, or the person to whom it belongs? What person?”

Amaya frowns, but only for a second, and then brings her thumb and forefinger to her ears and takes her hands back a little; she connects her fingers at a small distance from the ears.

“An elf? A crowned elf ... My queen?”

Amaya is clearly pleased by the fact she could explain herself, and she is hardly hiding it, while Janai somewhere in her chest begins to feel something stiring, something that seemed to be asleep for a while, but now it begins to wake up again. However, she isn’t allowed to concentrate on this feeling for a long time, again forced to closely monitor the movement of another’s hands. Amaya repeats three gestures, indicating Janai and the sunfire elf queen, then makes another sign and looks at Janai, waiting for her to solve this puzzle

“Sisters?” after seconds of thought, Janai suggests.

In response she gets a smile and she can’t help smiling back, feeling for some reason the extraordinary pride of her and Amaya, as if they had just accomplished the most grandiose feat in their lives. But the smile leaves her face the very second she realizes that this is the same sign that she didn’t understand in Amaya’s original answer.

“You’ve lost your sister too?”

A smile disappears from Amaya’s face as she nods briefly and looks away.

“I’m so sorry.”

They sit in silence for a while, and Janai doesn’t know what to say. That she understands her pain? This seems to be obvious now to both of them, and not just to Amaya. That she sympathizes with her loss? These words do not seem right. But frankly, no words seem right.

Amaya sighs and turns again in her direction. Realizing that her last words have remained “not heard” Janai repeats them. Amaya nods with a sad smile, as if saying “I know.” Of course she does. Because she is sorry too.

Janai stubbornly deniesher impulse for only a second before leaning forward, taking one of Amaya’s palms in her own and squeezing it tightly. For some reason, it seems to her that this is better than any words she could come up with. Amaya catches her gaze, covers her hands with other palm, and Janai doesn’t need any interpreters to feel silent gratitude.

“For how long?” she asks, and with her free hand Amaya shows her a palm with the thumb and forefinger touched. “Three years ago?”

Amaya shakes her head and gently releases her other hand. Feeling suddenly extremely embarrassed, Janai immediately pushes herself back, thinking that it would be strange to sit and wait until she gets this hand back. It seems that a chagrin flashes on Amaya’s face, but Janai can’t say for sure, because most of her attention is still focused on nine fingers spread out.

“Nine years?” A nod. “That’s quite a lot.” Another nod. “And... is it getting easier?”

Amaya waits for a second, as if trying to make sure that Janai looks exactly in her eyes and looks very attentively, and then slightly tightens her lips and firmly shakes her head.

However, Janai didn’t expect the opposite, but still her heart suddenly aches and an unpleasant lump comes up to her throat. But she still finds the strength in herself for a new question.

“Do you mind talking about this?” After some deliberation, Amaya lightly twitches her shoulder. “How did it happen?”

Amaya sits motionless for some time, slightly frowning, and Janai somehow likes the idea that she is trying to decide how best to express her thoughts not only in her own understanding, but also in a language accessible to them both. Finally, Amaya slightly shrugs again, and then brings forefinger and middle finger of her right hand to her face, pointing to her eyes, and shakes her head slightly.

“You haven’t seen this yourself?” Janai hesitantly assumes and feels the armth of self-satisfaction spreading over her body when she receives a nod as response. “Did someone tell you, did you hear from others?”

Amaya nods gloomily and lowers her head as if she is tired, hiding her gaze behind her bangs. However, Janai doesn’t have to see her eyes in order to know what is reflected in them. She doesn’t even notice herself when she gets up from the chair, takes a step closer, and then sits on the edge of the bed. Amaya doesn’t object, but doesn’t express active consent either. It seems like she doesn’t attach any importance to this at all, continuing to rest her elbows on her knees and not taking her eyes off the floor.

“I’m sorry.”

Janai doesn’t realize at first that she is speaking into the void again. She hesitates for only a split second, and then carefully touches Amaya’s shoulder, pressing it a little, forcing her to turn around and look at her, and then repeats.

“I’m sorry. For asking questions I don’t understand the answers to. But maybe you will tell me this story when I understand better? If, of course, you'll want to.”

Amaya looks into her eyes for agonizing seconds, as if trying to look into her very soul, and then finally allows herself to smile warmly and nod in agreement.

”It's probably even more painful,” Janai suddenly says, unexpectedly even to herself.

This time Amaya doesn't need an interrogative gesture, she is understood by confused look only. Janai turns away, trying to cope with the overwhelming feelings. She's almost ready to explain herself, but remembers in time that Amaya needs to see the movement of her lips in order to understand.

“Not to see,” she explains, turning back. “To find out from someone, not to be near, not to see the culprit, not to be able to change anything. To be late?”

Amaya's face reflects pain, letting Janai know that she has hit the target. Only this doesn’t make her feel any better herself, because maybe she saw, and the face of the guilty person will not be erased from her memory until the end of her days, she was still not there, she was still late and couldn’t change anything. She could not stop it, but only watched her sister disappear.

Janai looks away, unable any longer to look at Amaya's worried face, in which her pain is reflected as in the mirror. But she finds the strength not to turn her head so that her words are still not addressed to nowhere. Because she desperately needs to confess something.

“And for Soren, it’s already quite bad to realize that he killed his father, even if in fact he did no harm to him. But I still regret that it was just an illusion. I would like it to be for real, you know, no matter how traumatic it would be for Soren. It's horrible, right?”

The tears come too close, but somehow the eyes remain dry, only her voice trembles a little while Janai lets out this terrifying admission.

And then she feels a touch on her palm, and her fingers lean towards without her will, intertwining with Amaya's warm fingers, who is already turning to her with her whole body. Janai looks up, but can't stand the second of Amaya's compassionate eyes directed at her.

Tears burst out, and Janai hurries to hide this display of weakness, bending down and burying her nose into another's shoulder. She feels how the fingers squeezing her palm more tightly, how the other hand carefully lies on her neck, and how another’s shoulder trembles slightly, and is unlikely because of weight of her own head.

“Thank you for being there for me.”


End file.
